Tuesday 5th July - Evening

My interview finished at 3 . I could happily have gone home and taken all my clothes off and just sat in the garden cogitating and cooling down.

Instead, I discover that my daughter had an award evening . So I hung around for 3 hours before joining her and her mum at the school in question. Part of my discomfort is knowing that her mother will ask me how it went, and no matter how pure her motives might be, I cannot help but think that she is only concerned because she wants the Maintenance money. I remain non-committal.

As we sit together in the School Hall, my mobile phone vibrates . My ex. who has eagle vision and eagle hearing repeatedly urges me to take the call. I feel loathe to do so - because I sense the outcome. Her insistence becomes my resistance as I wonder what it has to do with her. In the end, I relent and ring back to speak to the Chairman of the panel.

'Neville, there is no easy way of putting this.'

Enough said.

'I'm afraid, you didn't get the job.'

I take it in my stride but walk further away from the Hall.

'Everyone appreciated your presentation and thought you handled the interview questions really well.'

This was too much to bear.

'You told me that I was a front-runner for this post!'

'I'm afraid you were up against a much better candidate.'

'All I get is grief from the Church . It's just an endless struggle.'

The conversation didn't last much longer than that. The call ended, I spent a moment or two in stunned silence. Out of the four candidates, I was the one without a job or a home, all the others had somewhere to go and work to do.

Back in the School Hall, the ceremony was underway. During a slight pause, I returned to my seat, two away from my ex wife , our daughter in between. There was no hiding their desire to know more, so with a slight shake of my head I said, 'I didn't make it'. There, it had been forced out of me, but at least I could now resume my stunned silence and wonder where I might go from here.